You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize