Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
