burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
