all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
