I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize