i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
