We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
