Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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