I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize