He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
