STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
