my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
