I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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