Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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