hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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