On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
