dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
