I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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