and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize