Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
