All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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