I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
