I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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