This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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