worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
