Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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