Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize