Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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