I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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