I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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