They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
