i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
