You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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