i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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