he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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