your parents love me but you hate me
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
