He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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