After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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