Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
