Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
