Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize