Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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