So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
