I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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