That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
