I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
