Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
