I hate all girls vehemently.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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