We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
