But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize