I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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