I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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