and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
