I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize