I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
