I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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