why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
