I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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