Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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