my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
