we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
