Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
