Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
