Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
