are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
