They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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