Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
