you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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