we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
