GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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