Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
