shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
