Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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