she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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