remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
