My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
