Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Someone came in the potted fern
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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