He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize