Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
