Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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