Fine. I'll sleep in my office
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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