I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The best revenge is premature balding
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
