drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize