I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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