I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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