I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
