I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
