I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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