she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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