I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
