yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
