Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
