I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
