Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
