I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
