If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
