so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
