I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize