I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just invented taco cereal.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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