I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is classic penis vs brain.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
