youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is Oprah even human
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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