I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
