I want to walk on stilts...naked
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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