Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
