He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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