I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
