I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
