Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
