I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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