Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
