she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need water and some morals
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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