My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
