I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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