A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
