uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
