So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
