That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
