I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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