Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize