when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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